This week, we have the portion of the spies. God authorizes a recon mission into the land of Canaan, and twelve spies, including Joshua and Caleb enter the land of Canaan. When they return, they bring back amazing things, like enormous grapes, and seemingly bad news. Ten of the spies report that the people of the land are unconquerable. Two spies, Joshua of the tribe of Ephraim and Caleb of Judah, report the opposite: that because God is on their side, this will be a piece of cake. But they are shouted down by the ten spies, who magnify their claims. All of Israel spends the night crying in their tents. In the morning Joshua, Caleb and Moses almost get killed when a riot breaks out. God intercedes, and condemns the Israelites to wander in the desert for forty years, one year for every day the spies were in Canaan. After this incident, a man goes and gathers sticks on the Sabbath, and is punished by being stoned to death. Finally, God gives the mitzvot of tzitzit.
For Many Jewish adults, there is one protion of the year which is dearer to them than any other. Like the ten spies, the first time they looked at that portion they freak. But, like Joshua and Caleb, most stick to it, and somewhere near their 13th birthday, they get up in front of the congregation at their Bar or Bat mitzvah and read Torah and Haftorah. Shelach Lecha is my Bar mitzvah portion…and a lot more.
It also is the first D’var Torah I gave at a synagogue, though not at my bar mitzvah. It was twenty years later, celebrating the 20th anniversary of my bar mitzvah and my return to Judaism. If you would have asked me back when I was 13, I would have told you that I didn’t give any speech since I found the traditional “Today I am a man” speech trite and meaningless. But the truth is I was so painfully shy and afraid to get up in front of the twenty or so people at my Bar Mitzvah I didn’t have a D’var. Twenty years later things had changed – a lot. It’s been eight years since that first D’var, and in two weeks I’m getting up at my professional conference and speaking to a ballroom (hopefully) full of people. How things have changed!
Shelach’s meaning is not merely in my reading the mafitr and Haftorah in Hebrew of this portion. Its meaning continues to challenge me personally every day. To be honest, I’m scared about doing that lecture in a few weeks. This is my second time speaking at this conference, and my last performance was stellar – Standing room only into the hallways. Yet given my topic and a disastrous presentation the last time I had a sophomore effort at a conference I’m a bit scared.
That’s when I read the words of Caleb:
And Caleb quieted the people against Moses. He then said “we can surely go and posses it, because we surely can.” [Numbers 13:30]
Caleb rather short answer radiates confidence and strength. He knows they will succeed. Yet when the people do try to take the land after a lot of whining, they fail miserably. They miss one of the critical things Caleb is trying to convey. “We” includes God. This is not false confidence but a measured response to every situation. Joshua, as he trains and leads the troops in every campaign both on the east and west sides of the Jordan, shows such measured response.
For my presentation, I’m nervous, so I did send out spies in a sense. This week I ran a trial run of my presentation. A lot went well, but there were things that didn’t. I could fret that the whole will collapse because of this. I don’t. Instead, I’ve learned from Caleb to take the next two weeks to correct them.
While in public speaking and in much of my professional life I’ve gotten good at this, there is still one place that the fear still overwhelms me. I still am incredibly afraid of going up to another person I don’t know and starting a conversation. I wrote about that last year in this Drash actually, and made it my goal at this same conference, which I was very confident about the speech I gave, but very uncertain in my abilities to converse with others. I didn’t do too hot in that arena, I was still too afriad. Like the Israelites I’m still left to wander in the wilderness.
We all have our fears, many of them keeping us from our goals. I was thinking of fear this weekend when my niece was afraid of a thunderstorm that rolled by. My fears are different than the fears of a child, but they are real to me. Yours are probably real to you. I’ve had many fears in my life from roller coasters to thunderstorms to fireworks. All have become thrills and joys instead of fears. Public speaking in not only a thrill for me now, it’s a living.
Caleb and Joshua, the day after they return from their mission, and a night after the people have spent the whole night in defeatist disappointment says something incredible.
7. And they spoke to all the company of the people of Israel, saying, The land, which we passed through to spy, is an exceedingly good land. 8. If the Lord delights in us, then he will bring us into this land, and give it to us; a land which flows with milk and honey. 9. Only do not rebel against the Lord, nor fear the people of the land; for they are bread for us; their defense is departed from them, and the Lord is with us; fear them not. [Numbers 14:7-9]
We must believe in God. God will provide one thing we need more than miracles, the strength and confidence to complete our goals. God is a source of strength. When we know that, our enemies, our own fears, we will eat like bread. Saying God is out to get us like the Israelites do is assuring defeat. Saying God is with us provides us with an extra added amount of confidence, and that shows in our actions. The root word for Caleb means dog. Caleb was doggedly stubborn at getting to the goal, and even more than fellow spy Joshua, succeeds brilliantly.
As I did last year before my speech, as I did at my bar mitzvah, in two weeks I will say a blessing before this presentation I am giving. I need to thank God before I begin to present. That I even got to this time, let alone how I perform. Maybe a blessing or prayer before every time I try to approach a stranger in conversation, to remember who is with me brings that confidence I find so hard to have.
Fear is strong, but with the inner strength of devekeut, we can accomplish what would otherwise seem impossible.
May you accomplish the impossible.
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