Parshat Reeh 5768: What are Curses and Blessings?

This week our portion begins:

26. See, I set before you this day a blessing and a curse;[Deuteronomy 11:26]

For the last few weeks or so I’ve been wondering something: what exactly is a blessing and a curse? The answer from the biblical text seems simple:

27. A blessing, if you obey the commandments of the Lord your God, which I command you this day; 28. And a curse, if you will not obey the commandments of the Lord your God, but turn aside from the way which I command you this day, to go after other gods, which you have not known.[Deuteronomy 11:27-28]

It seems obvious, yet it also seems a little unjust. It presents the dilemma many have asked: what happens when bad thing happen to good people? In this simple version, there’s only one answer: you did something bad. The Midrash gives a parable of a king who holds a gold necklace in one hand and Iron chains in the other and asks his servant: make a choice of how I am to handle you.

Many have also asked these questions about big events, like 9/11 or the Shoah. I’m more interested in smaller, more personal events. We’ve all have them – they may be very small things like a bad day, to more significant events, such as an auto accident, and disability, or other tragic trauma to our lives.

I have disabilities I genetically inherited from my grandfather. I also have had two rather traumatic events in my life, leading to other disabilities. Looking at these events against what I did wrong just doesn’t make sense. So I’m left asking: why did these things happen to me?

I was contemplating this last Friday afternoon, frustrated with many of these problems in many spheres. The easiest one to talk about is my summer long frustration with two problems I was born with: motor hand coordination problem and color blindness. When I was young I frequently flunked art and got horrible grades in handwriting. The classic story which I’ve told many times was the time I was ridiculed in front of the class for coloring Abraham Lincoln’s face sea green, since I couldn’t tell the sea green from the peach crayon. Even in my first graduate school, when I did my comprehensive examinations, I almost failed due to my inability to write fast and legible enough to complete the exams.

To think I was taking a life drawing and painting class this summer when I had such horrible experiences is amazing. I have learned to use watercolor, and most of my issues can be addressed in that media. When I switched to pastel and Acrylic for this class, my past came back. While I can make color by laying two colors over one another in watercolor, picking out a specific pastel stick, or mixing my own colors was not so easy. It was near impossible. I thought about that last night as I was panicking in the middle of mixing the right skin mid-tone color. I’ve though about that on many occasions when I am unable to perform some function or another. Like I said I’ve had a lot of those happen recently and some not as innocent as what color to make a face.

So I was feeling down on myself last Friday, when I started to listen to an interview with Sean Stephenson on a podcast I subscribe to. Stephenson was born with a bone disease which does not let his bones grow. Indeed they are extremely brittle. Most die in childhood, though Stephenson has survived and is now in his thirties. Because of this, he has only grown to three feet high and is confined to a wheel chair, always concerned about breaking his fragile as glass bones. He told the interviewer the story of when his life changed around. He was in fourth grade and it was Halloween, the only day of the year he wasn’t stared at like a freak. Unfortuantely, he accidentally broke his leg. Crying “Why did this disease happen to me?” his mother responded by giving him a choice: this could either be a curse, or this could be a gift. It was up to him to decide. It was for him a defining moment.

Stephenson told another story in the interview of a girlfriend who broke up with him. She complained to him that had the mind he has been in a different body, she would have loved him. He retorted back “my mind is because of this body.” Many times our world has things in it which seem negative. Though our own effort and God’s will, curses may be turned into many positives. The first time I experienced it, was in a high school elective of fencing for my PE class. My lack of coordination made it difficult for me to catch or throw balls, run, or do many of the athletic things most kids take for granted. I often was the kid who nobody wanted to pick because I was so inept at sports. That was until senor year of high school when I took the fencing elective. Another way I am not ‘normal’ is I am left handed. Picking up a left handed foil I ended up going undefeated against a class of right handed students who had no defense against me. I ended up coaching fencing in college.

But I look at my paintings, including that acrylic one I did finish last night, and I can be proud of my work. As I have learned from my teacher I have turned my colorblindness to my advantage. When I paint, I do not think that this thing has to be green or this thing has to be yellow. I think this thing need to be dark and this thing has to be light. I don’t get tripped up by color as do many students. I get incredibly methodical in my mixing of colors. Ironically, being colorblind means my pieces are glowing and fresh with color. A curse is really a blessing – but only because I made it so and learned color theory.

While the rest of the section reviews many mitzvot, this one line may be at its heart. How we view and act in the world may change what happens to us. We can see anything for good or ill. It may be a blessing or a curse. The mitzvot is a tool for keeping us in the right frame of mind to see things as blessings. When a date who was non religious asked me about some mitzvot mentioned in this week’s portion, kashrut, I told her it was important to me not because it was a rule forced on me but because it was a way of making my life a bit more holy. Granted, I’m not the most observant when it comes to kashrut. Kashrut for me means I’m looking in the world for blessings, not curses. When I say all the blessings of the morning service, I notice more blessings around me, from a beautiful painting on my wall to an interview of Sean Stephenson showing up exactly when it did. Some of my supposed curses, like Stephenson, gave me opportunities that others don’t have to grow and build my self in ways I never could have imagined.

Curses and blessings? Maybe only God knows. Or maybe God only gives challenges and it is up to us to make them a curse or make them a blessing.

Parshat Balak 5768: Fame and Seduction

In this portion, King Balak of Moab has just watched all of his neighbors go down to defeat militarily at the hands of the Israelites. He therefore tries another strategy. He sends envoys to the greatest magician in the area, to curse the advancing Israelites. After a series of adventures, and a bit of resistance from a reluctant talking donkey and a sword wielding angel, Balaam meets up with Balak, and sets up the curse. Three times in a row, the curse ends up as a blessing, the most famous of these blessings is now known in the liturgy as Ma Tovu. Balak is furious. But Balaam comes up with a plan for biological warfare, killing 24,000 before Pinchas stops the plague.

The Israelites have found some serious successes last week. So much so they have two nations quaking in their boots:

3. And Moab was very afraid of the people, because they were many; and Moab was distressed because of the people of Israel. 4. And Moab said to the elders of Midian, Now shall this company lick up all who are around us, as the ox licks up the grass of the field. And Balak the son of Zippor was king of the Moabites at that time. [Numbers 22]

So a plot is hatched to get Balaam to curse them, but at first Balaam is reluctant but eventually agrees. His attempt leads to a very unexpected outcome: The Israelites are blessed instead of cursed.

Why is the story of Balaam and Balak here? And why, in the chapter that follows it do we have a story of another plague on the people? I believe those questions are related. In the story of getting to the Promised Land, the answer has to be the successes of the people in getting there. But like Balaam’s donkey, we first have to take a bit of a detour.

My iPhone isn’t working. If anything applies to the issues of dumb mistakes it’s my iPhone. I bought it a week too early to be eligible for the upgrade to the 3G. When I went to download the software this morning, well, it crashed, hanging on the wonderful words “verifying iPhone software.” I should have known better than to update on the first day. Apple on the other hand should have seen this coming as well.

In both my case and in Apple’s case we thought we knew what we were doing – and we were both wrong – Hubris got the better of us. Balaam and The Israelites messed up in the same way, and for much of the same reason. They had had successes, but they were not yet in their promised land, and that can lead to some serious mistakes. Balaam could not curse to save his life. Now some might mention a disclaimer to that:

20. And God came to Balaam at night, and said to him, If the men come to call you, rise up, and go with them; but only that word which I shall say to you, that shall you do. 21. And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab. [Numbers 22]

What’s missing there is and important phrase “and the men called him.” Balaam did not follow directions here. He went without being called. His own arrogance is what got him into trouble. As a result God gets angry and sends angel against Balaam. For the first time in this story we see the resistance that we’ve been trying to get rid of the entire journey come to a good use. That resistance takes the form of a talking donkey, who moves away or stops every time she sees this angel.

Resistance in is most basic form is to keep us from harm. We’ve been talking about more complex forms of resistance, resistance to non-existent hazards, and even resistance to good stuff. But here it’s clear resistance is a good thing because the angel of his own admission was out to kill Balaam. Resistance keeps us from harm. Yet, Balaam pushed forward against the resistance, beating it. The donkey’s response is essentially “I’ve never steered you wrong, why are you beating me?” Balaam’s Arrogance leads towards his self destruction, just like my attempting to upgrade my iPhone on a day I should have known would have been a disaster left it a mere brick. There are times we should listen to our resistance.

Maybe the episode of the angel is to remind Balaam who he serves, and who word he must give. He didn’t follow directions once; he is not to do it again. So when he gets to the Israelites, no matter what happens, he invariably blesses instead of curses the Israelites:

1. And when Balaam saw that it pleased the Lord to bless Israel, he went not, as at other times, to seek for enchantments, but he set his face toward the wilderness. 2. And Balaam lifted up his eyes, and he saw Israel abiding in his tents according to their tribes; and the spirit of God came upon him. 3. And he took up his discourse, and said, The speech of Balaam, the son of Beor; the speech of a man whose eyes are open; 4. The speech of him who heard the words of God, who saw the vision of the Almighty, falling down, but having his eyes open; 5. How goodly are your tents, O Jacob, and your tabernacles, O Israel! [Numbers 24]

Balaam tried using enchantments the first two times, and found they didn’t work, the enchantments were resistance, as noted in 23:23

23. Surely there is no enchantment against Jacob, nor is there any divination against Israel;

So he stops resisting and gives a great blessing. He also noticed something on the mountain he was on.

28. And Balak brought Balaam to the top of Peor, that looks toward Jeshimon.[23:28]

He had been ignoring and beating legitimate resistance due to his own arrogance. Sitting on top of Peor, he realized something important. We read immediately after Balaam’s story:

1. And Israel stayed in Shittim, and the people began to commit harlotry with the daughters of Moab. 2. And they called the people to the sacrifices of their gods; and the people ate, and bowed down to their gods. 3. And Israel attached himself to Baal-Peor; and the anger of the Lord was kindled against Israel.[25:1-3]

A plague ensues which Eleazar’s son Pinchas stops by killing an Israelite and a Moabite copulating in front of the tabernacle. What is significant in next week’s portion is how this mess started:

16. Behold, these [women] caused the people of Israel, through the counsel of Balaam, to commit trespass against the Lord in the matter of Peor, and there was a plague among the congregation of the Lord. [31:16]

Balaam reasoned correctly that if he was arrogant enough to fall into a trap, so would a people who had just tasted their first taste of victory. They could easily be seduced because they were both naive to the danger and arrogant enough to ignore it. For the last few years, I’ve studied the theories of a modern Balaam and some of his disciples. His name is Eric Markovic, he is stage magician, but most in the seduction community call him Mystery. For many he is the ultimate Pick-up artist, able to sleep with any beautiful woman he wants.

At the core of his technique is something very simple, so simple I find it disturbing. Mystery plays on one’s successes and failures. He is very good with beautiful women because they have had an inherent success of being told repeatedly they are beautiful women. Yet, while talking to these women; he disqualifies them for being slightly less than beautiful. For most of these women their only victory in the world is their beauty, for anyone to think them slightly less than beautiful, means they feel compelled to prove otherwise. So over a conversation they more and more fall into his trap, all their resistance to sleeping with him shattered in their wanting to prove the one thing they know is true about themselves.

The rabbis in the Midrash Numbers Rabbah give a similar story of the seduction into Baal-Peor worship. Step by step the Moabite women entice the men first to talk to them then to eat with them, and then they make the condition the Israelites can only sleep with them if they make a sacrifice to Baal Peor. The Israelites prior to the victories against Og and Sihon did not know real victory. They had that boost to their ego, along with the word of Balaam only able to give them blessings. They must have felt on top of the world. To then hear from the people around them some praise of them would have brought their first resistance down to the Moabite women. It could have been something like “Hey I never met a soldier before come over here big boy” Yet that was followed up by something simple, maybe “but you can’t be a real man, since you don’t eat my food like beets and beer” the poor guy in trying to fix his self esteem of being a true man, goes and eats the beets and beer. This goes on until he is sacrificing in front of a pagan god. The resistance found in the stubborn donkey was wiped out by our own arrogance about ourselves. In the end the Israelites are not only worshipping this pagan god, but are out right addicted to it.

Such seduction happens to us all the time; it is not just one pickup artist. It is the core element of most marketing campaigns. Much of the irrational side of my trying to get that iPhone to work is a completely irrational belief that having the new software gives me some kind of higher status. It plays on my own lack of self-esteem, a lack we all have in ourselves. The dating coach community is far bigger than Mystery’s antics, though his story told by one of his disciples is arguably the most significant reason the dating coach industry has blossomed in the past few years. While most of the criticism is directed as the lack of ethics found in Mystery’s type of pick-up, even by the community itself, overwhelmingly the response back to such criticism has been the same: People are already being seduced, and that seduction is even less productive. Our loneliness is being exploited for profit for all kinds of products, from beer, to makeup, to clothing, to cars. Each promises us that we will get the ideal mate by buying something instead of connecting with another. Our legitimate internal resistance, our internal talking donkeys are removed because of our insecurities and our arrogance to believe we are something we are not. The result is to act irrationally, and the irrational act leads us into self destruction.

So what are we to do? How do we fight this?

Interestingly, a lightning pointed attack on this can change everything, and the spell can be lost. Next week we’ll address the end of this portion with the hero next week’s portion is named for.