Parshat Balak 5768: Fame and Seduction

In this portion, King Balak of Moab has just watched all of his neighbors go down to defeat militarily at the hands of the Israelites. He therefore tries another strategy. He sends envoys to the greatest magician in the area, to curse the advancing Israelites. After a series of adventures, and a bit of resistance from a reluctant talking donkey and a sword wielding angel, Balaam meets up with Balak, and sets up the curse. Three times in a row, the curse ends up as a blessing, the most famous of these blessings is now known in the liturgy as Ma Tovu. Balak is furious. But Balaam comes up with a plan for biological warfare, killing 24,000 before Pinchas stops the plague.

The Israelites have found some serious successes last week. So much so they have two nations quaking in their boots:

3. And Moab was very afraid of the people, because they were many; and Moab was distressed because of the people of Israel. 4. And Moab said to the elders of Midian, Now shall this company lick up all who are around us, as the ox licks up the grass of the field. And Balak the son of Zippor was king of the Moabites at that time. [Numbers 22]

So a plot is hatched to get Balaam to curse them, but at first Balaam is reluctant but eventually agrees. His attempt leads to a very unexpected outcome: The Israelites are blessed instead of cursed.

Why is the story of Balaam and Balak here? And why, in the chapter that follows it do we have a story of another plague on the people? I believe those questions are related. In the story of getting to the Promised Land, the answer has to be the successes of the people in getting there. But like Balaam’s donkey, we first have to take a bit of a detour.

My iPhone isn’t working. If anything applies to the issues of dumb mistakes it’s my iPhone. I bought it a week too early to be eligible for the upgrade to the 3G. When I went to download the software this morning, well, it crashed, hanging on the wonderful words “verifying iPhone software.” I should have known better than to update on the first day. Apple on the other hand should have seen this coming as well.

In both my case and in Apple’s case we thought we knew what we were doing – and we were both wrong – Hubris got the better of us. Balaam and The Israelites messed up in the same way, and for much of the same reason. They had had successes, but they were not yet in their promised land, and that can lead to some serious mistakes. Balaam could not curse to save his life. Now some might mention a disclaimer to that:

20. And God came to Balaam at night, and said to him, If the men come to call you, rise up, and go with them; but only that word which I shall say to you, that shall you do. 21. And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab. [Numbers 22]

What’s missing there is and important phrase “and the men called him.” Balaam did not follow directions here. He went without being called. His own arrogance is what got him into trouble. As a result God gets angry and sends angel against Balaam. For the first time in this story we see the resistance that we’ve been trying to get rid of the entire journey come to a good use. That resistance takes the form of a talking donkey, who moves away or stops every time she sees this angel.

Resistance in is most basic form is to keep us from harm. We’ve been talking about more complex forms of resistance, resistance to non-existent hazards, and even resistance to good stuff. But here it’s clear resistance is a good thing because the angel of his own admission was out to kill Balaam. Resistance keeps us from harm. Yet, Balaam pushed forward against the resistance, beating it. The donkey’s response is essentially “I’ve never steered you wrong, why are you beating me?” Balaam’s Arrogance leads towards his self destruction, just like my attempting to upgrade my iPhone on a day I should have known would have been a disaster left it a mere brick. There are times we should listen to our resistance.

Maybe the episode of the angel is to remind Balaam who he serves, and who word he must give. He didn’t follow directions once; he is not to do it again. So when he gets to the Israelites, no matter what happens, he invariably blesses instead of curses the Israelites:

1. And when Balaam saw that it pleased the Lord to bless Israel, he went not, as at other times, to seek for enchantments, but he set his face toward the wilderness. 2. And Balaam lifted up his eyes, and he saw Israel abiding in his tents according to their tribes; and the spirit of God came upon him. 3. And he took up his discourse, and said, The speech of Balaam, the son of Beor; the speech of a man whose eyes are open; 4. The speech of him who heard the words of God, who saw the vision of the Almighty, falling down, but having his eyes open; 5. How goodly are your tents, O Jacob, and your tabernacles, O Israel! [Numbers 24]

Balaam tried using enchantments the first two times, and found they didn’t work, the enchantments were resistance, as noted in 23:23

23. Surely there is no enchantment against Jacob, nor is there any divination against Israel;

So he stops resisting and gives a great blessing. He also noticed something on the mountain he was on.

28. And Balak brought Balaam to the top of Peor, that looks toward Jeshimon.[23:28]

He had been ignoring and beating legitimate resistance due to his own arrogance. Sitting on top of Peor, he realized something important. We read immediately after Balaam’s story:

1. And Israel stayed in Shittim, and the people began to commit harlotry with the daughters of Moab. 2. And they called the people to the sacrifices of their gods; and the people ate, and bowed down to their gods. 3. And Israel attached himself to Baal-Peor; and the anger of the Lord was kindled against Israel.[25:1-3]

A plague ensues which Eleazar’s son Pinchas stops by killing an Israelite and a Moabite copulating in front of the tabernacle. What is significant in next week’s portion is how this mess started:

16. Behold, these [women] caused the people of Israel, through the counsel of Balaam, to commit trespass against the Lord in the matter of Peor, and there was a plague among the congregation of the Lord. [31:16]

Balaam reasoned correctly that if he was arrogant enough to fall into a trap, so would a people who had just tasted their first taste of victory. They could easily be seduced because they were both naive to the danger and arrogant enough to ignore it. For the last few years, I’ve studied the theories of a modern Balaam and some of his disciples. His name is Eric Markovic, he is stage magician, but most in the seduction community call him Mystery. For many he is the ultimate Pick-up artist, able to sleep with any beautiful woman he wants.

At the core of his technique is something very simple, so simple I find it disturbing. Mystery plays on one’s successes and failures. He is very good with beautiful women because they have had an inherent success of being told repeatedly they are beautiful women. Yet, while talking to these women; he disqualifies them for being slightly less than beautiful. For most of these women their only victory in the world is their beauty, for anyone to think them slightly less than beautiful, means they feel compelled to prove otherwise. So over a conversation they more and more fall into his trap, all their resistance to sleeping with him shattered in their wanting to prove the one thing they know is true about themselves.

The rabbis in the Midrash Numbers Rabbah give a similar story of the seduction into Baal-Peor worship. Step by step the Moabite women entice the men first to talk to them then to eat with them, and then they make the condition the Israelites can only sleep with them if they make a sacrifice to Baal Peor. The Israelites prior to the victories against Og and Sihon did not know real victory. They had that boost to their ego, along with the word of Balaam only able to give them blessings. They must have felt on top of the world. To then hear from the people around them some praise of them would have brought their first resistance down to the Moabite women. It could have been something like “Hey I never met a soldier before come over here big boy” Yet that was followed up by something simple, maybe “but you can’t be a real man, since you don’t eat my food like beets and beer” the poor guy in trying to fix his self esteem of being a true man, goes and eats the beets and beer. This goes on until he is sacrificing in front of a pagan god. The resistance found in the stubborn donkey was wiped out by our own arrogance about ourselves. In the end the Israelites are not only worshipping this pagan god, but are out right addicted to it.

Such seduction happens to us all the time; it is not just one pickup artist. It is the core element of most marketing campaigns. Much of the irrational side of my trying to get that iPhone to work is a completely irrational belief that having the new software gives me some kind of higher status. It plays on my own lack of self-esteem, a lack we all have in ourselves. The dating coach community is far bigger than Mystery’s antics, though his story told by one of his disciples is arguably the most significant reason the dating coach industry has blossomed in the past few years. While most of the criticism is directed as the lack of ethics found in Mystery’s type of pick-up, even by the community itself, overwhelmingly the response back to such criticism has been the same: People are already being seduced, and that seduction is even less productive. Our loneliness is being exploited for profit for all kinds of products, from beer, to makeup, to clothing, to cars. Each promises us that we will get the ideal mate by buying something instead of connecting with another. Our legitimate internal resistance, our internal talking donkeys are removed because of our insecurities and our arrogance to believe we are something we are not. The result is to act irrationally, and the irrational act leads us into self destruction.

So what are we to do? How do we fight this?

Interestingly, a lightning pointed attack on this can change everything, and the spell can be lost. Next week we’ll address the end of this portion with the hero next week’s portion is named for.

Parshat Hukkat 5768: Success Begins with Endings

In the book of Numbers, translated literally from the Hebrew B’midbar as In the Wilderness, we’ve watched a journey from Sinai to the Promised Land of Israel. I’ve spent this round of Shlomo’s Drash looking at this book as though the people are not individuals, but a collective, one that makes up our own mind and soul. The Promised Land in that view is this thing called success. For the story of B’midbar, success is a bunch of whiny slaves entering an abundant land where they are free from slavery, one where they can worship God. We began that trip by the simple act of looking up so we can see in front of us and show our commitment to getting to the Promised Land.

Yet as we’ve seen, there has been resistance. Getting to the Promised Land is not easy, because it requires change. Resistance takes many forms, from our friends and family wanting us to be our old selves, to intense cravings. We’ve seen fear, lack of confidence and rebellious self-sabotage slow down the journey. The cry of resistance has been the same each time: let us go back to Egypt, let us go back to the way things used to be. Each time, our seemingly comfortable old selves wants to go back even though it is oppressive slavery. The only way forward was elimination of the resistance. In the biblical text often this has been symbolized by the death of individuals like Korach, Dathan and Abiram. Some have been by attrition. The forty years in the wilderness was such elimination.

This week, things really begin to change. Spanning the forty years in the wilderness, we start with the ordinances regarding the red heifer. Miriam dies and then the water disappears, which causes the people to complain. Moses is instructed to speak to a rock and water will come out, but he yells at the people and strikes the rock instead. For that, he will not enter the Promised Land. The Israelites are on the move, when very politely asking for permission to cross the land of Edom. They are told very rudely if they do, they will be attacked. So they start going the long way. After this, God tells Aaron to ascend mount Hor, where he dies and Eleazar his son becomes High priest. Then a Canaanite king attacks and takes hostages. The Israelite response is to raze the city involved to the ground. Then after more grumbling about all this moving around, there's a plague of snakes. Yet the next time they look for water, the leaders, not Moses digs the well. When they get to the land of the Amorites, they once again politely request of King Sihon to cross the land, promising to keep on the king's road and not damage anything. Deuteronomy tells us Moses even opened the door for a hefty profit by offering compensation for any food set at whatever price the Amorites want. Sihon, not understanding the concept of "tourist rates,” decides to attack the wandering tribes. That turns out to be a big mistake. Sihon and his people are totally annihilated by Israelite troops, and all of the Amorite land taken. Sihon's neighbor, King Og of Bashan attacks without any provocation, only to meet the same fate as Sihon.

Hukkat presents us with a transition. We still hear grumbling. First after the death of Miriam over water, and then in the middle of all the movement north once again concerning food. Both times we hear the same chorus about Egypt, yet these two times there are missing elements: nobody is proposing to go back to Egypt. Things are different. In this portion, we also read of Israelite chieftains who dig their own well, and an Israelite army who barely blinks and destroys whole nations, a far cry from the whimpering spies of Shlach Lecha. By the end of Hukkat, this is a far different people than the beginning of our story of B’midbar. Success is within reach, and the first signs of such success has begun.

At the same time, we lose three major characters before we get to the Promised Land. Both Miriam and Aaron die in the wilderness, and Moses is told he isn’t going to make it in either. Many commentators have asked why these three had to die before the Promised Land. One answer extends the literal answer: Moses messed up at the well of Meribah. Just after Miriam’s death the water disappears. The people once again complain:

3. And the people quarreled with Moses, and spoke, saying, Would God that we had died when our brothers died before the Lord! 4. And why have you brought up the congregation of the Lord into this wilderness, that we and our cattle should die there? 5. And why have you made us come out of Egypt, to bring us in to this evil place? This is no place of seed, or of figs, or of vines, or of pomegranates; nor is there any water to drink. [Numbers 20]

Moses and Aaron get instructions from God on how to handle this. Moses, with his staff in hand, is to speak to a rock and water will flow out of it. But all doesn’t go according to plan:

10. And Moses and Aaron gathered the congregation together before the rock, and he said to them, Hear now, you rebels; must we fetch you water out of this rock? 11. And Moses lifted up his hand, and with his rod he struck the rock twice; and the water came out abundantly, and the congregation drank, and their beasts also. 12. And the Lord spoke to Moses and Aaron, Because you did not believe me to sanctify me in the eyes of the people of Israel, therefore you shall not bring this congregation into the land which I have given them.[Numbers 20]

Moses not following directions is the direct cause of his and Aaron’s never crossing the Jordan. This is not the first time water came out of a rock. Shortly after leaving Egypt there was a similar incident:

3. And the people thirsted there for water; and the people murmured against Moses, and said, Why have you brought us up out of Egypt, to kill us and our children and our cattle with thirst? 4. And Moses cried to the Lord, saying, What shall I do to this people? They are almost ready to stone me. 5. And the Lord said to Moses, Go on before the people, and take with you of the elders of Israel; and your rod, with which you struck the river, take in your hand, and go. 6. Behold, I will stand before you there upon the rock in Horeb; and you shall strike the rock, and water shall come out of it, that the people may drink. And Moses did so in the sight of the elders of Israel. [Exodus 17]

What Moses did in the book of Numbers was follow forty year old directions, not the latest set. Note the people’s rhetoric seemingly remains the same about dying in the wilderness, but in Exodus they are on the edge of rebellion, and do not believe in either God or Moses. In Numbers, years later, there is a significant change. While they talk of Egypt they also talk of wanting their fate to be dying before the Lord, not returning to Egypt. While in Exodus there was no belief, there is belief here. They murmur against Moses in Exodus, yet they quarrel directly with him in Numbers.

What we are seeing here is indeed growth on the part of the people. There is no talk of Egypt as a land of milk and honey, like Dathan and Abiram did. The people’s complaining that there are no Vines figs or pomegranates is not a reference to Egypt, but instead to Israel. Numbers 13:23 tells us that grapevines figs and pomegranates were what the spies brought back to the camp. Deuteronomy 8:8 mentions the same three in terms of the Promised Land as well. No longer is their complaint that they want to go back to Egypt, but instead, their complaint is “When are we going to get there?”

If they are growing, why did they mention Egypt at all? For the same reason Moses struck the rock. Over time we get used to doing things one way, we have an internal script to follow. In a positive sense such scripts saves us time from having to think out a reaction. But in the negative it can also be inappropriate to the situation. We can get stuck in the script. It’s a lot like the boy who continues to breastfeed from his mother even when he’s thirteen years old. Not only is that inappropriate, it’s perverse. Both the provider and the receiver of the milk got stuck in one type of behavior, and never realized it really needed change. While that example is extreme, people in relationships, be they parents and children or husbands and wives, often fall into patterns of knowing how to push buttons to get certain automatic behaviors. The people knew how to push Moses’ buttons. If you want something, mention Egypt and Moses goes into action. What they forgot was the entirety of the script. Egypt was always mentioned when a resistance was breaking out in the camp, and Moses or God would have to stamp it out. Even when it wasn’t a real rebellion, Moses’ script thought it was, so he did the same thing the last time such a thing happened, striking the rock, and not speaking to it.

If you’ve ever been in the Negev, or in Transjordan you know it is not milk that is the stuff of life, but water. Water is preciously rare in the world the people wandered in. In my recent trip to Israel and Jordan I learned how the Nabatean empire, with its capital in Petra, became massively wealthy by monopolizing all the wells in the area, thus forcing traders to stop there, buy water supplies and trade with others, all at a hefty tax profit for the Nabateans. You can’t survive without water, the same way an infant can’t survive without milk.

Most rabbinic opinion describes Miriam, Moses and Aaron as support systems for the people:

Three good leaders had arisen for Israel, namely. Moses, Aaron and Miriam, and for their sake three good things were conferred [upon Israel], namely, the Well, the Pillar of Cloud and the Manna; the Well, for the merit of Miriam; the Pillar of Cloud for the merit of Aaron; the Manna for the merit of Moses. When Miriam died the well disappeared, as it is said, And Miriam died there, and immediately follows [the verse], And there was no water for the congregation; [Ta’anit 9a, cf. Numbers Rabbah I:2]

In the wilderness, the providing of water to the people was due to the merit of Miriam. Even in her name is the word for water: MYM. When she died the water stopped according to the Sages. The reason the verses about each are so close is that her death stopped the miraculous providing of water. Conversely, as long as she was alive the water would flow. Thinking in those terms we begin to see that Hukkat is a weaning. When the people enter than land they will have to get their own food and water, they can no longer depend on a well of Miriam for water or Moses’ Manna for food. To do so even before the journey is done holds them back from their full potential as does a pre-teen who only drinks from his mother’s breast. The support system that got them to success on the East bank of the Jordan now must make way for new support systems when they cross that river.

Moses, Aaron, and Miriam represent the support system that got the people through the wilderness to the banks of the land. As they proceeded towards the land, their usefulness actually wanes. It may even be a form of resistance itself. The scripts that were run at the beginning of the journey don’t work now, even tripping one up. God prohibiting Moses from entering the land was because Moses could not change to fit a new role within the land. He was still reacting to rebellions, even when it may be a legitimate complaint of dehydration. Like Miriam’s death, the people needed to be weaned from Manna as well as water. Manna fell on Moses’ merit, and as long as he was alive it would have fallen. As long there was free food around, no one would have worked the fertile land to cultivate all those figs, grapes and pomegranates.

Changing the support system is never easy. Often our support systems, both internal and external are beloved parts of our lives. Externally it may be parents, family and friends. Internally, it may be scripts so successful, we can’t believe they’ve stopped working. Yet, it must change for continued growth.

In B’midbar, it is not an easy transition. But it happens. We see that success in each of the military engagements, how the strength of the people increases. After Miriam dies and the incident with water, they plan to cross into Edomite territory. Unlike previous engagements, they do not cower or get defeated. They stand their ground until they are outnumbered, then politely and quietly walk around Edom. After Aaron dies and another support system is replaced with Eleazar, Arad the Canaanite attacks and takes hostages, only to be wiped from the face of the earth. After digging their own wells for the first time, they encounter Sihon, and have the exact setup as Edom. This time however the outcome is very different – Sihon’s nation of Amorites is wiped out. Og of Bashan attacks, only to also lose his life, people and land. As the people have to depend on themselves more, their success grows – and they move closer to the final destination of the Promised Land.

Early indicators of success can still be problematic. Next week, with Midian and Moab, we’ll look at what hazards there are when you finally figure out how successful you can be.

Korah 5768: Rebellion and Purpose

This week we have the story of the Korah rebellion and its aftermath. Korah, Dathan and Abiram, along with 250 of the leading figures in the community rebel against Moses and Aaron, and want to be included as priests. Moses tries to dissuade them, but is unsuccessful. In a contest the next morning, the rebels light incense in their censers, to determine who is chosen by God. Korah, Dathan and Abiram and their families are swallowed up by the earth, literally going straight to hell, and the 250 men are burned alive by a fire from God. The people murmur against this and a plague ensues. To settle the matter of leadership once and for all, another contest is performed. This time the leaders of each tribe place their staff in the Mishkan and leave them overnight. In the morning, Aaron’s staff buds and blooms with almonds. Yet, there are still murmurs.

This week we hit one of the biggest hurdles in getting to the Promised Land, the internal rebellion. In the Torah this is represented by Korah and the related rebellions. We’re all familiar with the concept in our own lives, a sense of self destruction of the path. One day you are on the top of the word, successful and ready to have your dream come true. The next you do one very stupid thing and the world come crashing down. One feels like Korah’s final fate. The ground under your feet opens ups and you fall straight to Sheol. We’ve seen it happen all too often to people in view of the media both in the political and entertainment realms. Then there are the times it has happened to us as well. It’s happened to me numerous times to be sure

As outside observers of such events, we always think “why was he so stupid?” The self-destructive behavior seems to make no sense. After the event on many an occasion when I’ve done something that stupid, I’ve noticed how much I think the same about my own behavior. This is our inner Korah, the rebel who refuses for us to grow. The Korah within us might start as one other form of resistance such as a craving, yet gathers together other thoughts, as Korah gathers around him all other others in his conspiracy.

To understand how Korah affects we must first look at what he was really after, and why that was so destructive in the text. Most of this portion is about who is and isn’t a priest. Korah’s original rhetoric is:

And they gathered themselves together against Moses and against Aaron, and said to them, You take too much upon you, seeing all the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the Lord is among them. Why then do you lift up yourselves above the congregation of the Lord? [Numbers 16:]

But Moses replies personally to Korah:

Does it seem but a small thing to you, that the God of Israel has separated you from the congregation of Israel, to bring you near to himself to do the service of the tabernacle of the Lord, and to stand before the congregation to minister to them? And he has brought you near to him, and all your brothers the sons of Levi with you; and do you also seek the priesthood? [Numbers 16 9-10]

The thing that Korah wants seems democratic if we were talking about people. All the people should be priests Korah seems to say. But if we think in terms of the journey or getting to a goal, then things are a bit different. It’s a lot like 600,000 backseat drivers and no front seat driver – one would never get to the destination. As we already know, many want to turn back and go back to being slaves in Egypt. From last week, some want to haphazardly go into the land. There is no organization to this mess because there is no singular vision to unite so many people – except Moses and Aaron.

The rebellions and murmurings effectively end after the contest of the rods. Once it is clear Aaron’s rod was selected, and then the people no longer conspire against him. Aaron’s singular authority as a priest is made clear. We cannot go in a million directions at once to get to our goal – we must plan one particular route. Anything else leads to paralysis.

The resistance that is Korah is there are visions of what we want, and visions of what we are used to. Often one causes problems for the other. In the text once again we see that with Dathan’s and Abiram’s charge against Moses referring to Egypt:

13. Is it a small thing that you have brought us out of a land that flows with milk and honey, to kill us in the wilderness, that you also make yourself a prince over us? 14. Moreover you have not brought us into a land that flows with milk and honey, or given us inheritance of fields and vineyards. Will you take out the eyes of these men? We will not come up.[Numbers 16:13-14]

This time Egypt is so inflated as to be indistinguishable from the Promised Land, both are described as a land of milk and honey. That old vision of ourselves as being in a good place, no matter how horrible it really was, gets in the way. We get so used to it, we can’t think any other way. When there is a chance for us to get something really good, we go out of our way to make sure we keep the old way, and like Dathan and Abiram and many of the people think of the path to change, traveling through the wilderness, as a fatal mistake.

The fourteen year old computer geek I once was is not the guy I am today. That guy I was last week who was always upbeat, Said Hello to every conference attendee, and try to lift the spirit of everyone he met is a far cry from the kid cowering behind his Apple ][. Yet there is always something in me that tries to pull back to that time. Friday, as I tried to get this piece written I noticed that – a lot. It did in fact sabotage me enough that I did not finish this piece until Sunday. My inner Korah, that servant of my Yetzer ha ra, tried to derail me after a very successful, though busy week.

Even eliminating this self-sabotage can cause resistance. In the text the people begin to murmur:

But on the next day all the congregation of the people of Israel murmured against Moses and against Aaron, saying, You have killed the people of the Lord.[Numbers 17]

Of course this is a ludicrous charge. Moses goes out of his way to tell the people it’s not him doing this, but God, and because these people are not as holy as they claim. Indeed all the people were witnesses to an event only a few months before that was identical to the death of the co-conspirators in the rebellion: the death of Nadav and Abihu, Aaron’s sons. At that point, no one claimed Moses or Aaron killed any body.

Memory is a curious thing. To remove the self destructive parts of ourselves we must remove memory. But such removals remove part of ourselves, and we feel guilty about such removal because we are no longer who we used to be. We do not read it in the text, but had God not started a plague then, the people very likely would have grabbed shovels and would have started to dig for Korah. Such guilt often brings back the self destruction.

Before they have a chance, God starts a plague, one that Moses and Aaron stop in a very ironic way:

11. And Moses said to Aaron, Take a censer, and put fire in it from the altar, and put on incense, and go quickly to the congregation, and make an atonement for them; for anger has come out from the Lord; the plague has begun. 12. And Aaron took as Moses commanded, and ran into the midst of the congregation; and, behold, the plague had begun among the people; and he put on incense, and made an atonement for the people. 13. And he stood between the dead and the living; and the plague was stopped.[Numbers 17:11-13]

The same incense that killed Aaron’s sons and killed the 250 co-conspirators saves the day. It’s not the incense offering that is bad, but its use and who uses it. Memories and mental constructs can be for our benefit or our destruction. Sometimes they are for both, and some memories were okay for our protection in the past, but are in the way in getting to our future. A three year old might find the world a big scary place. When he’s thirteen or even twenty two, He needs to get beyond that construct; otherwise he will be painfully shy. On the other hand, memories can prevent us from getting into true hazards, such as someone who really does want to hurt us. Memories, like incense is all in how it is used.

Yet what makes the difference and what really calms the people down the most is the proof that there is one dominant vision of how to live. Aaron’s staff growing almonds is the evidence of a dominant position, one picked by God. We too need to find our singular vision of what our promised land should look like, and make it so strong that resistance is not just destroyed but so overpowered by that vision the distractions and resistance is drowned out. Rebellions are silenced because they can never get as loud as the way we know is right. They are still there, of course. While my inner rebellions and resistance didn’t bother me while I was at my meetings last week, when I slowed down on Friday they exploited the pause. Even after the contest of the rods, there are still murmurings, but no longer are there revolts.

Sometimes the stuff that was once our most powerful allies on the journey might become new resistance when we reach our goal. Next week we’ll look at what happens when we really do start to become successful.

Parshat Shlach Lecha 5768: The Killer vs. Y-C-L

As I’ve mentioned before, this is a special portion to me since it is my bar mitzvah portion. It would not surprise me that my ongoing writing here comes from trying to make up for something: I never gave a bar mitzvah speech. Why I didn’t have a speech goes to the heart of this week’s Torah portion. Something happened in the desert that effectively killed 600,000 people before they stepped foot into the Land of Israel. That something has been driving all of the resistance I mentioned in the portion from last week. It probably will also drive the resistance we will see next week in the Korah rebellion.
We actually begin the portion on a happy note, the people are on the border, ready to cross into the land and end their journey. God tell Moses:

1. And the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, 2. Send men, that they may spy the land of Canaan, which I give to the people of Israel; of every tribe of their fathers shall you send a man, every one a leader among them. [Numbers 13:1-2]

Twelve chieftains are picked to enter the land and report back on the conditions there:

18. And see the land, what it is; and the people who live in it, whether they are strong or weak, few or many; 19. And what the land is that they live in, whether it is good or bad; and what cities they are that they live in, whether in tents, or in fortresses; 20. And what the land is, whether it is fat or lean, whether there is wood in it, or not. And be you of good courage, and bring of the fruit of the land. Now the time was the time of the first ripe grapes. [Numbers 13:18-20]

Forty days later, the twelve spies return to the camp bearing a grape cluster so big it needed two people to carry it. Their report begins on a sweet note, but quickly turns sour:

And they told him, and said, We came to the land where you sent us, and surely it flows with milk and honey; and this is its fruit. 28. Nevertheless the people, who live in the land, are strong, and the cities are walled, and very great; and moreover we saw the children of Anak there. 29. The Amalekites live in the land of the Negev; and the Hittites, and the Jebusites, and the Amorites, live in the mountains; and the Canaanites live by the sea, and by the side of the Jordan…

There is one lone voice, crying over this din of a horrible report:

And Caleb quieted the people before Moses, and said, Let us go up at once, and possess it; for we are well able to overcome it.[Numbers 13:30]

Yet the other Spies retort:

We are not able to go up against the people; for they are stronger than we. 32. And they brought up an evil report of the land which they had spied to the people of Israel, saying, The land, through which we have gone to spy, is a land that eats up its inhabitants; and all the people that we saw in it are men of a great stature. 33. And there we saw the Nefilim, the sons of Anak, who come from the Nefilim; and we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so were we in their sight.[13:31-33]

The English translation of Caleb’s response does not show the power of what he said in Hebrew. For we are well able to overcome it is in Hebrew ki yachol nuchal lah. In the two verbs in this sentence the root is Y-Ch-L. This verb has an interesting usage in Hebrew as it really is a verb which acts like an adverb, modifying another verb. Usually, it means to be able to and requires another verb to have any meaning. For example, the other Spies retort to Caleb, lo nuchal la’alot meaning we are not able to go up. Yet in Caleb’s phrase there is no infinitive to modify the verb. To make thing more curious, is the use of the infinitive absolute, which strengthens the verb. Infinitive absolutes have the meaning of surely, or without a doubt. So this is a long chain of adverbial expressions meaning “can.” And while earlier in the verse Caleb mentions to ascend into the land, here it is missing. Caleb does not mean just that they can go into the land, but that they can do anything. More than that, he’s completely certain of it, expecting a good outcome.
Caleb was not the only one who thought that, Joshua did too.

6. And Joshua the son of Nun, and Caleb the son of Jephunneh, which were of those who spied the land, tore their clothes; 7. And they spoke to all the company of the people of Israel, saying, The land, which we passed through to spy, is an exceedingly good land. 8. If the Lord delights in us, then he will bring us into this land, and give it to us; a land which flows with milk and honey. [Numbers 14:6-8]

Not only did these two men have confidence in their abilities, they also expected only one outcome if they kept their faith in God. Unfortunately, no one else did, and they began to pelt these two with stones. God then intercedes and plans to destroy the people. In a way he does so slowly: they are condemned to wander the desert for forty years, enough time for the entire generation to die off.
At a bat mitzvah last weekend, I re-iterated the theme I am giving this go-around in the reading of B’midbar. The question was asked in discussion: why is God so vengeful, killing so many people? Maybe one answer to that is that we should not look at this as individuals but the Israelites as a collective, the characters within different parts of a collective soul. The story of B’midbar is a story of those voices in our heads that keep us from our promised lands. They are the resistance in our lives. Our higher self in this scenario is what the text calls God. God is not killing people but instead removing the resistance in reaching the Promised Land. Remember, after the report of the spies the people said Let us choose a chief, and let us return to Egypt. [Numbers 14:4] Their point over and over again is to go back to the way things were, even if they were horrible. Such thoughts must be eliminated, and that is what is happening in the story of the wilderness.
I thought about that when my 3-year old nephew was moving around some small kid-size beach chairs lately. He wanted to stack them on top of one another, and as often is the case, instead of stacking them, he began to whine two words: “I can’t.” over and over again. Being three years old he had a valid point, but how often do we keep that three year old whine within us, even when we are 40? In Hebrew, the spies whine of lo nuchal, “we can’t” dooms them, just as Caleb’s yachol nuchal, we surely can allows him and Joshua to enter the Promised Land. The greatest monster of all, the killer of 600,000 people is two simple words “I can’t.”
When I was thirteen, I said those words many times. I was painfully shy. “I can’t go up to the grocery counter and buy something” “I can’t ask someone for something” “I can’t go up in front of others and talk.” The boy in the powder blue three-piece suit and messy hair would rather not have a bar mitzvah speech than speak in front of maybe twenty five or thirty other people as his very small bar mitzvah. Since he was so shy he had no friends, indeed he was so shy it was easy for others to hurt him for fun and throw him to the bottom of pre-teen social pecking orders, and so he hid. He became the completely isolated 14 year old computer geek I talked of last week. In other circumstances, maybe the isolation would have spiraled down to my own complete destruction. There were two stubborn dogs who wouldn’t allow that, who kept telling me I could accomplish great things if I only put my mind to it. My own internal Caleb and Joshua are always at it.
They were at it last Friday morning too. Once again this is posting late, indeed I’m writing this first somewhere over Kansas Friday morning, and then in a Tucson Starbuck’s. I have for the last three years been presenting at my national professional society. This year I’m not presenting once, but presenting three times, and moderating several more. For someone who couldn’t bear to be in front of four congregants and some family, to get up in front of hundreds is quite ironic, and I have to give my Caleb and Joshua a pat on the back for getting me here. But there was a moment this morning in the airport where I felt afraid. And like some junkyard dog (Caleb means dog in Hebrew by the way) Caleb was there beating the fear down. He was jumping on it and tearing it to shreds with the teeth of a rabid animal. The fear disappeared. I was ready for this trip even if I’m not as prepared as I’d like. Caleb is sure that I walk in to the sessions I’m presenting, including the one on public speaking, knowing the consequences can only be good.
I once said “I can’t” to being any good at art. A lot of people have. But most kids don’t flunk art in elementary school, or even ridiculed by the teacher for his work. Besides the usual “I can’t,” I also have some slight disabilities, including color blindness which makes art harder for me. But it did not stop me, as I was reminded by an art teacher of mine who thought I should go for my MFA. I’m still learning art, but I know I can do art, even when the results are not what I exactly wanted.
Once you say “I can’t,” It’s hard to take it back. We see this with the Israelites, who being told they are to die in the wilderness over forty years go ahead and try to ascend anyway.
44. But they presumed to go up to the hill top; nevertheless the ark of the covenant of the Lord, and Moses, departed not from the camp. 45. Then the Amalekites came down, and the Canaanites who lived in that hill, and defeated them, and pursued them, even to Hormah. [Numbers 14:44]
Amalekites are the notorious cowards of the Bible. They only attack anyone who cannot fight back. This is an indicator of the kind of people who tried to ascend. Once the people said “I can’t” they never really believed they could. They were the weak that the Amalekites picked off easily. Their weakness was in God not being with them – they still did not believe they could ascend to the land, so they fought half-heartedly. Whether it is loving God or perusing your goal of your personal promised land, there is only one way to do so: with all your heart, soul and might. When they do not do this, they set themselves up for a failure.
With all the successes I’ve had, there are also failures, and most of them come down to this lingering “I can’t.” Much of the resistance in keeping on a diet is this lingering “I can’t.” The cravings are bred from a self image that we can’t be successful with maintaining weight. For me, I cannot get it into my head that I could actually date, there are always doubts that I could find a partner. The shy kid I once was is still lingering there; my old identity from my teen years of the lowest on the social order still restrains me from being as sure of myself in dating as I am while speaking to hundreds. Even my inner Caleb fails to control these nagging thoughts. Some destroy themselves, but some are more insidious. They create rebellions inside.
Next portion we’ll see that rebellion come to a head by a very bald head.

Parshat B’haalotecha 5768: Resistance

Last week the theme was change, but what happens when you do change?

If you read much of the self-help literature out there high self esteem and a commitment to change should magically change your life. If all you need is to have high self esteem and be committed to your goals, then you too can be rich, successful and keep to a healthy diet. This week in the Torah, we run into several situations which point to why most people’s experiences are very different than this. They are the stories which point to resistance to change. Probably the incident most known from this portion shows us one kind of resistance.

1. And Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Kushite woman whom he had married; for he had married a Kushite woman. 2. And they said, Has the Lord indeed spoken only by Moses? Has he not spoken also by us? And the Lord heard it. [Numbers 12]

Miriam’s slander and leprosy is as an issue of Moses ignoring his wife by the Sages. Yet most don’t understand the reason for Moses to stay away from his wife. According to the Talmud, this was one of “Three things that Moses did of his own understanding, and the Holy One, blessed be He, gave His approval”. [Shabbat 87a] Moses made up mitzvot without God’s permission, yet God approved. Many are familiar with the story of the revelation at Sinai, when all the people heard God. There is some preparation before hand:

15. And he said to the people, Be ready by the third day; do not come near a woman. 16. And it came to pass on the third day in the morning, that there were thunders and lightnings, and a thick cloud upon the mount, and the sound of a shofar exceedingly loud; so that all the people who were in the camp trembled. [Exodus 19:15-16]

After Sinai, Moses reasoned that he might have to speak to God in this manner at any time. God notes in rebuking Aaron and Miriam that Moses kept the level of prophecy he had at Sinai:

6. And he said, Hear now my words; If there is a prophet among you, I the Lord will make myself known to him in a vision, and will speak to him in a dream. 7. Not so with my servant Moses, for he is the trusted one in all my house. 8. With him I speak mouth to mouth, manifestly, and not in dark speech; and he behold the form of the Lord. Why then were you not afraid to speak against my servant Moses? [Numbers 12:6-8]

After Sinai, only Moses is granted the direct revelation that everyone experienced that day. Miriam and Aaron are not granted this. Moses thought he had to maintain the level of preparation all the people did before the Revelation at Sinai at all times. In order to do so he continually avoided his wife. [Shabbat 87a] His avoidance did not sit well with Miriam and Aaron, who believed that the marital obligations of Moses towards his wife were critical, and thus their words against him.

Moses changed on Sinai, and became a unique person who had a unique mission. The expectations of the normal Israelite did not apply to him, but the expectations of family who knew him before Sinai was the same. Miriam didn’t understand the difference in Moses, and so expecting him to be the same Moses she knew since his birth, criticized her little brother. One immense source of resistance to personal change comes from our family, friends, and those we are closely associated with. With change in ourselves there is a required change in those around us, who may not want that change. They might be comfortable with the way things are, or are afraid of how that change might change them. But most times, one does not even see the change in the person changing and continues to treat that person just like they always did. Miriam still sees her little brother, not the only man in history who talks to God face to face, or the only man until the destruction of the temple to author halakah. When Moses doesn’t act like her little brother, she gets upset.

All we hear is about Moses in response to Miriam’s criticisms “Now the man Moses was very humble, more than any other men which were upon the face of the earth.” [Numbers 12:3] We do not hear a response, because he didn’t know what to say. He loves his siblings but doesn’t want to hurt them, and anything he could say would do so, and indeed break into argument. Like many people in this situation, he may fear he will lose support from his family in what he is trying to do. Moses, however, has the intercession of God. Generally that doesn’t happen, and instead we are in a bad spot, unable to respond to the criticism of our changing for the better, because it seemingly makes things worse for those close to us, and subsequently for us. We can hope for understanding, but that may not be there. The only response for many, so as to not to have an ugly situation with those they love is to buckle under, and not change. The risk of losing what one already has outweighs the reward if one does change. Such people never make it to their personal promised land so they don’t hurt those who don’t want them to undertake the journey, and so those people do not abandon them. Yet, the best we can do is getting them away from us, just as Miriam spends time away from Moses with her bout of Leprosy.

Such is external resistance, often slowing things down. Yet there is another resistance that can be truly fatal to one’s personal journey across the wilderness. That is the internal resistance to change. We read about such resistance in the cravings of the people for something other than their diet of manna.

4. And the mixed multitude that was among them had a strong craving; and the people of Israel also wept again, and said, Who shall give us meat to eat? 5. We remember the fish, which we ate in Egypt for nothing; the cucumbers, and the melons, and the leeks, and the onions, and the garlic; 6. But now our soul is dried away; there is nothing at all, beside this manna, before our eyes. [Numbers 11:4-6]

As the Torah points out, they shouldn’t be complaining

7. Now the manna was as coriander seed, and its color as the color of bdellium. 8. And the people went about, and gathered it, and ground it in mills, or beat it in a mortar, and baked it in pans, and made cakes of it; and the taste of it was like the taste of fresh oil. 9. And when the dew fell upon the camp in the night, the manna fell upon it. [Numbers 11:7-9]

Manna was the food granted the last time the people complained about not having anything to eat after crossing the Red Sea. This time as well, these people's request is granted but at a high cost:

31. And there went forth a wind from the Lord, and brought quails from the sea, and let them fall by the camp, about a day’s journey on this side, and about a day’s journey on the other side, around the camp, and as it were two cubits high upon the face of the earth. 32. And the people stood up all that day, and all that night, and all the next day, and they gathered the quails; he who least gathered gathered ten homers; and they spread them all abroad for themselves around the camp. 33. And while the meat was yet between their teeth, before it was chewed, the anger of the Lord was kindled against the people, and the Lord struck the people with a very great plague. 34. And he called the name of that place Kibroth-Hattaavah; because there they buried the people who had the craving. [Numbers 11:31-33]

To give into your internal resistance is death to the whole venture. Of all the things to use as a way of describing internal resistance, nothing is better than food. This week, when I got on the scale for the first time in a month, I read a number I was not pleased with: 206. That same scale read 194 last year at this time, and 191 the year before. What happened? The answer is simple. I gave into cravings. Be it a hot fudge brownie sundae, sweet potato chips, or virtually anything I’d eat at McDonald’s, what I eat got the best of me. Resistance to my healthy diet is everywhere.

Cravings will do it to you almost any time. Playing with my e-mail while I’m supposed to be doing something else is another craving that gets me. All of it is resistance to what really matters. But unlike the external resistance of others this is more insidious – it is the yetzer ha-ra, our evil inclination. As the rabbis note when it entices, it is as frail as a spider web, but with time it becomes as strong as cart ropes [Sukkah 52a]. One ice cream sundae two years ago leads to me continually breaking my diet. “This is the last one” is a common reply from the Yetzer Ha-ra when we see something we crave.

Craving does something else too. Cravings increase the value of what we are craving beyond its real value. Note how slaves who probably never got such foods wax nostalgically about the abundant foods of Egypt. One would think by their description, slaves ate like they were at the midnight buffet of a cruise ship all the time, never having to pay the bill. Of course this was illusion. What was truly incredible food stuff, manna, was ignored for this illusion. When we have resistance, we do the same things. With a diet, it’s how delicious that candy bar will be. Yet after eating it, I’m not satisfied. Just one square of that chocolate bar won’t show up on my diet, but how often does eating one square become eating the whole bar, or two or three bars, because there was no satisfaction in just the one square?

Like Miriam remembering a pre-Sinai Moses, the resistance is anchored in the past, to what we once had “We remember the fish, which we ate in Egypt for nothing.” The people cry, “Now our soul is dried away; there is nothing at all” Keeping the present the same as the past is what resistance is all about. What is ahead is bad, according to the yetzer ha-ra, what you already have is good and comfortable, don’t go about changing it. For example my yetzer ha-ra continually comments “I’m familiar and comfortable with being alone and independent, why would I want to mess that up with a relationship?” “Loneliness I might compliant about but can handle. I can’t handle break-ups, betrayals or having someone else running my life” It continues inside of me, stressing the bad parts of growing. Like the manna, It ignores or even denigrates the good. It does not think of the bitterness, and tight places of my personal Egypt, my personal slavery.

The most important lesson of all from the Story in Numbers 11 is that the people who gave into their cravings die instantly. This is not a salmonella outbreak taking a few days to kill – they choke on their food because they give into their cravings so much they do not even chew it, nor look at what they are eating, and thus it kills them. We may not die instantly but our lives can be as one who is dead from giving into resistance, both internal and external. Giving into my own resistance will leave me for dead. I would be a fourteen year old computer geek who truly had no life, isolated from everything and everyone but his Apple II, as obsolete and meaningless as that antique computer. I would be that until the day of my physical death from clogged arteries or some such diet related condition. There is only one way towards life, and that is to change and improve. We cannot go back into slavery nor can we stay still in the wilderness. We can only move forward. We must fight the internal and the external resistance, though it is far from easy. It already has a strong grip on us. But to survive and get to our promised lands, it is a battle we must win.

There is one more type of resistance to take into account. It is the most insidious and the most dangerous. In the story of B’midbar, the wilderness, it kills all 600,000 Israelites but two. It fuels all other resistance, and mutates into even more dangerous forms. In next week’s portion we’ll talk about this danger of all dangers.

Naso 5768: Lifting the Head.

This week we have the census continued from last week, then laws seemingly regarding the detection of adultery. We then learn of the oath of the Nazir, and the physical and dietary requirements such a person must endure. We end with sacrifices in the Mishkan and the Kohanic blessing:

24. May the Lord bless you, and keep you;
25. May the Lord make his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you;
26. May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace. [Numbers 6:24-26]

We begin with:

22. Take also a census of the sons of Gershon, throughout the houses of their fathers, by their families; [Numbers 4:22]

The word for census in Hebrew gives our portion its name. Naso in Hebrew means to lift or carry. The phrase used to mean takes a census is naso et rosh, Literally lift the head of. There is more to this head count than meets the eye. The rabbis noticed this phrase naso et rosh, occurring both at the beginning of our portion (4:22) and a few verses before in 4:2 was different that the rest of the counts in the book of Numbers:

LIFT UP THE HEAD OFS THE SONS OF KOHATH (IV, 2). It does not say Number (pekod) but LIFT UP THE HEAD OF, an expression denoting ‘elevation’. When they were numbered for the purpose of being put in charge of the work of the Sanctuary they received thereby Promotion [Numbers Rabbah IV:12]

To lift the head up is to promote according to this midrash. While the rabbis are discussing why the Levite clans of Kohath and Gershon are promoted and no one else is, I find deeper meaning than that. When walking on any street in any town note how many people look down. Most people do and for good reason. One might need to watch their step from uneven surfaces, cracks or holes in the sidewalk, and anything left by dog owners who were out walking their pet, or to be more specific, anything the pet left. Yet looking down also indicates something else: submission and obedience.

When one looks down it means that the person looking down has less value than other people. All too often this is the end result of a simple nonverbal gesture, an affirmation of one’s own inferiority by looking down too much. In contrast to this, one needs only to look up. To look up, indeed to look into someone’s eye is paradoxically a source of incredible power and an incredible signal of equality. Such a paradox is resolved in that a person who has power over themselves does not need to play the game of who has more power. Such a person wants to be on a strong, equal connection with another person.

In such a context, the Kohanic blessing has incredible meaning. In two different expressions, God faces us as equals. Interestingly, the ancient sage Shammai said something similar to the second blessing that God should shine upon you. Shammai believed we should receive everyone with a bright beautiful face [M. Avot 1:15]. I’ve always thought that meant a smile. One might go as interpreting the anthropomorphism that “God shines his face on you” means God smiles. The Kohanic blessing does not just bless us as equals but does so with a smile.

If God is in the heavens, then God cannot lift his head. Instead God “lifting his face” towards us to greets us as a neighbor and an equal. One interpretation in the Midrash notes this:

Another exposition is that THE LORD LIFT UP HIS COUNTENANCE, etc., means that He will turn His face towards you; for it is not the same thing for a man to greet his neighbor while looking him in the face as to greet him with his head turned to one side;[Numbers R. XI:7]

When a man and his neighbor both lift their heads towards each other there is connection: so too with a person and with God, or with Israel and with God. But such a connection requires habit and requires discipline. Much of this portion deals with the issue of commitment. Towards the end of the portion we have the sacrifices given by each of the tribes. But in the middle we have two curious customs.

The first is the bitter waters rite. In the case where a woman is accused of adultery with no evidence, essentially she is to drink a combination of dirt from the floor of the Mishkan, water and ink. If her belly and thighs swell she is guilty of adultery, if not, she is innocent. The second is the case of the Nazir, someone who dedicates themselves to God for a period of time. Such a person, as part of such an arrangement, must not drink or eat anything made from grapes, cut their hair, nor go anywhere near a dead person. If they go near a dead person accidentally they must wash, cut all their hair and start all over. In the Talmud, Nazir, the tractate about the Nazir is followed by Sotah, the tractate concerning the bitter waters rite. The rabbis start the discussion in Tractate Nazir, with the concept that these two are part of a string of tractates related to commitment, starting with Ketubim and ending with Sotah [Sotah 2a].

The bitter waters rite seems to be rather sexist, only concerned with the adultery of a woman, but I don’t read this literally. In prophetic literature and in the writings, Israel is the woman of the relationship. Such imagery even occurs in Deuteronomy

And the Lord said to Moses, Behold, you shall sleep with your fathers; and this people will rise, and play the harlot after the gods of the strangers of the land, where they go to be among them, and will forsake me, and break my covenant which I have made with them.[Deut 31:16]

When Israel breaks the covenant, she is called a harlot and adulteress. How the faithful city has become a harlot! cries Isaiah concerning Jerusalem [1:21]. The bitter waters is exile as Isaiah describes strong drink shall be bitter to those who drink it [Is 24:9]. Israel must commit to God, and no one else. To stray from that commitment is to partake of the bitter waters rite, not something fatal, but something potentially embarrassing and uncomfortable. Such is true of exile as well. It does not kill Israel, but it does embarrass and brings discomfort to the connection.

While Parshat Naso does not read like story, I think it is an important part of story. Before the journey to the Promised Land begins there is a need to do two things. The first is to look up and forward to be in connection with God and with the goal; the second is to commit to the journey, even if it is uncomfortable or requires sacrifice or discipline. The Israelites need to do the sacrifices in this chapter, and commit to the goal. For one to remove all grape products from their diet and not cut their hair is a commitment. Neither might follow the social norm and the Nazir might suffer for it in daily life, but to do so is to commit to something bigger.

On our personal journey towards our personal promised lands, our first two steps are to raise our heads high and to commit to the journey. Neither is easy. Commitment requires a day-in and day out consistency. It is not something one does sometimes, or does recreationally. Not eating or drinking any grape product nor cutting one’s hair are examples. Daily sacrifices which morphed into daily prayer is another. Lois Jacobs once defined mitzvot into three types: those which we understand because of their practicality, those we don’t and those that are abhorrent. The class of those we don’t understand are functionally signs of commitment.

Yet for commitment to work to its fullest we must do something else first. We must raise our heads, and promote ourselves. If we do not believe we can do the commitment or if we believe we will fail, then we will fail. In two weeks, in Parshat Shelach Lecha, we’ll see this thinking in action. We must move beyond the submission of the slave with his head facing down, to the place of the free, proud to hold our heads high. This might be the greatest challenge of the journey. It’s too easy to fall into old patterns of submission. God does not want a timid, submissive concubine, but a confident, committed wife. In order to be fully human and holy beings, we too need to be both confident committed people.

Many have noted the Irony of Shammai’s statement in the Perkei Avot I quoted earlier. In full it reads:

Shammai used to say: Make your [study of the] Torah [a matter of] established [regularity] speak little, but do much; and receive all men with a beautiful shining face. [Avot I: 15]

Many know the story of Shammai and his rival Hillel. When a series of strangers asks stupid questions of Shammai, he chases away each of the three questioners with a yardstick, seemingly breaking his own statement. Hillel, on the other hand, answered the questions at the questioner’s level. Two of Hillel’s statements in the Perkei Avot are also significant:

Hillel used to say: be one of the disciples of Aaron, loving peace and pursuing peace, one who loves [one's fellow] creatures and brings them close to the Torah. [I: 12]

Brachot 34b in the name of Abbahu Comments on Isaiah 57:19 Peace, peace for him who is far off and for him who is near, says the Lord; and I will heal him. Abbahu believes those far off are those who are the biggest transgressors. To bring them close to Torah is holier than to bring one already there. This is the difference between Hillel and Shammai. While Shammai greeted friendly, he lost his patience with those who were far from Torah. Hillel on the other hand did not just have patience, but that such patience would bring close those who would otherwise not get close. He lifted the heads of those who didn’t even know they needed lifting.

Hillel also had one other well quoted statement as well.

He [also] used to say:
If I am not for myself, who is for me?
But if I am only for my own self, what am I?
If not now, when? [I: 14]

The phrase “self-esteem” is bandied around a lot today. Hillel would not have liked it, he probably would have preferred the term Value. It’s not that you need to increase your value alone, to raise your own head, but that you also increase the value of everyone around you. Shammai did not have the patience to increase those of low value. Hillel questioned what kind of person he was if he did not bring those who were far to be close, if he did not help others increase their value. Indeed, his own value increases even more by increasing the value of others.

This is something that cannot be procrastinated according to Hillel. It must be done, and it must be done now. In a sense it too is a commitment, one feeding all the other commitments. It is therefore interesting that the heads of the Kohahtites are lifted up first in the census. Among the Kohahtites are Aaron and his sons, who will give the priestly benediction to the people. In order to raise the heads of other people, God orders Moses to raise the heads of the Kohanim first who then learn a blessing to raise everyone else’s head by wishing them that God will raise his face towards them with a smile.

After my downer of column last week, I thought a lot about Hillel’s line “if not now, when?” Over Shabbat I thought a lot about them, and came to a few decisions, ones I had begun to hint at in my last column. My head has been looking down for months. As one colleague noted this is probably a function of my finishing Grad school. Another is that the Perkei Avot honors scholars, the world of 21^st century America doesn’t. Since January, society has effectively told me “over my dead body will you be a Jewish scholar.” I realized over Shabbat to believe such a thing was to lower my head. So I made a conscious decision to raise my head instead. During the week I made a conscious effort to pick up the heads of as many people as I could, and the results were astounding. When one gives value, it almost always comes back with interest. It was poignant moment this week when one morning when I was getting ready for the day, Jack Gabriel’s version of the Kohanic blessing came over my iPod. I cried listening to the words of this blessing to the tune of the Beatles Let it Be, knowing how true that blessing is not just for God but for the Image of God, Humanity.

So let’s lift our heads and let it be. Cayn Yehi Ratzon.

Parshat B’midbar 5768: Story as Transformer

I want to talk about story.

This week, we begin the book of Numbers, B’midbar in Hebrew. It starts on a very boring note: census data. Parshat B’midbar is seemingly not the most exiting stuff in the world. The book B'midbar will contain many stories. Indeed most of the book is story.

B’midbar was on my mind about three minutes after takeoff from the Airport in Eliat headed for Ben Gurion Airport. The sandy desert under us was creating strong thermals which translated into very strong turbulence. We diverted west to go around that turbulence, then headed back east over the Israeli and Jordanian evaporation ponds that are killing the Dead sea, then turned west once again to fly back over the Jordan, over Jericho to places that will be important in later history: Jerusalem and Tel Aviv. Whether inadvertently or not, the plane followed a serpentine route out my window that wasn’t far off from the route we read of in the Book of Numbers that starts this week. What will take weeks for us to read in the synagogue and forty years to accomplish in B’midbar took thirty five minutes.

Some of that route I traveled on the ground only days before, on my way to Petra. According to the locals, somewhere around Petra is mount Hor where Aaron died. Not far away is the town of Wadi Mousa, in Arabic the Valley of Moses. This according to local legend is the Place, where the princes dig their own wells for the people or even possibly where Moses struck the rock. While most biblical scholars have problems with this legend, Indeed Petra was the capital of the Nabatean Empire based on its plentiful natural springs, which made it an Oasis in an otherwise inhospitable wilderness. Jordanian Route 53 which we took to Petra might be a close approximation to the original route around the Edomites territory (Numbers 21). In a comfy, air conditioned bus I saw much of the route into the land of Israel.

I’m very glad I wasn’t walking this. B’midbar means in the wilderness, and this is a very inhospitable place. At places it is the desert of swirling sand dunes, but more often there is are small tufts of grass-like plants spaced far apart between large peaks and rock outcroppings all blasted by wind and sand into strange, melted patterns. Bedouins still live in Southern Jordan and often one will see in this monochromatic landscape a thin black line of a Bedouin tent.
To take this way into the land would have been a character builder. And I think it did build a lot of character into the story of B’midbar. While the English and Latin names reflect the census at this week’s and the beginning of next week’s portion, the Hebrew is far more descriptive with the words in the wilderness.

Judaism breaks down the types of writing in the Torah and later works into two types: Halakah and Aggadah. Halakah is law. Aggadah is everything else, but for a medium for this everything is usually story. One such Aggadic passage in the Talmud

R. Abbahu and R. Hiyya b. Abba once came to a place; R. Abbahu expounded Aggada8 and R. Hiyya b. Abba expounded legal lore. All the people left R. Hiyya b. Abba and went to hear R. Abbahu, so that the former was upset. [R. Abbahu] said to him: ‘I will give you a parable. To what is the matter like? To two men, one of whom was selling precious stones and the other various kinds of small ware. To whom will the people hurry? Is it not to the seller of various kinds of small ware?’[Sotah 40a]

Story telling is attractive useful and not very expensive, and thus its appeal. The story that will happen in B’midbar is attractive, with many twists and turns to the plot. But is is extremely useful to understand how to use all that halakah. There is a general theme of transforming form one kind of people to another. The Israelites left Egypt with a slave mentality, one that was a continual part of their world view. Their continual complaining about things is primarily about how things are not done for them. A slave make no decisions on his own, not even what to eat or when. In some ways this is a blessing. No slave ever has to wonder where their next meal comes from. They were completely dependent on their masters for everything.

By the end of Numbers the people are far different. Able to dig their own wells without divine intervention, they are an impressive military force, capable of defeating national armies. Instead of the timid people of the beginning of Numbers, they are to be feared. The life in the wilderness forged these people over 40 years into something powerful.

This is the primarily Aggadic book of Torah, where we learn that very important lesson. God is not going to make a miracle for everything we want. God may not even answer every prayer directly. Often miracles happen because we do the right thing to make them happen. Right mind and right action is just as important as divine intervention. One can rely on magic wells, or one can pick up a shovel and start digging around a suspicious number of trees grouped together. At the end of the day, the guy with the shovel is far less likely to be thirsty.

There are many transformation stories, many of them having a journey from one place to another as their theme. In modernity, there is Tolkien’s works for one example. Ancient stories like those of Odysseus or Aneas have similar themes. The person who starts the journey is not the same who finishes. Often, they are a better person at the end than when they began. While Moses is a main character, in many ways the Israelites themselves introduced by the thousands in this portion are the protagonists. This is a story of transforming these people:it is thier journey, not Moses’. As we learn in the prophetic literature, it wasn’t a completely successful nor permanent transformation, its something that requires constant attention.

Transformations are something I think a lot about as I’m in this transition period of my life. The enthusiastic grad student I was, so saturated with information led to a vast creative output in term s of this column. Six months after I finished my classes I’m feeling as dry as that wilderness the Israelites crossed. If not for two hours every Wednesday evening I’d have nothing at all inspiring me. For the last tow months I’ve written some of the least inspired columsn ever, if I wrote at all. I’ve seriously thought of dropping this column and even dropping my kosher rules and Shabbat prohibitions. My jewishness seems to have evaporated. Spending two weeks in the land hasn’t helped. Not even standing before the Kotel seems to have helped.

Maybe the wall did help. Last week, I mentioned half of what was in that piece of paper I put in the wall, and what that experience at the wall might mean for that second half. I think much of what I prayed was not about God granting me something as much as my learning the skills and courage to do it myself. Like I said last week, it's all staring me in the face. Prayer and connection to God provides something bigger than miracles – it provides a power to realize what you want and do something about it. Things become internally driven, by one’s Nefesh not externally driven like a taskmaster. We see this so clearly in Joshua and Caleb, the two spies who saw so clearly. If the people really wanted to up into the land, it was simply a matter of doing it and believing God was there to help.
I don’t know how things will go from here. I’m going to find way to inspire myself, one way or the other. As B’midbar might be saying, inspiration comes from the inside not the outside. As we go through the journey from Sinai to Mount Nebo, let’s find out together.

Behukotai 5768: A Tale of Two Jews.

Last week, Looking south from the beach into the gulf of Akaba, with the first peaks of the Sinai Peninsula to my right and Jordan and Saudi Arabia to my left, I tried to write. Yet sitting on the balcony of my room of the Dan Hotel Eilat and then the lounge chairs overlooking the pool, enjoying a few days of relaxation after my more hurried Israel adventure, I couldn’t write.

I couldn’t write about my experience of Masada, which I had planned to post to my blog about Israel, ShlomosIsrael. I couldn’t get out my Drash on Behar, because I just didn’t like what I was writing. It just couldn’t come together into something.

I’ve had a case of writer’s block and I didn’t understand why. I’m not completely sure it’s over yet.

Last week, I came back to the States a few hours before Shabbat, and immediately fell into my Shabbat practices, even renewing one of my more nutty traditions: wearing Hawaiian Shirts on Shabbos.

Experiencing my regular Shabbat after Israel showed me how much I had changed. I had known of some changes, some of those were what I wanted to write about in my experiences at Masada and the Golan Heights, but those thoughts haven’t completely gelled yet into something I feel comfortable writing.

What I did notice this weekend was other differences. This trip has been a series of odd coincidences, such that I can only believe that Ha Kadosh Baruch Hu scripted them. Purely by accidents of scheduling, our tour bus entered Jerusalem for that segment of the tour on Erev Yom Hazikaron, Israeli Memorial day. We spent that next day at Yad B’shem, the Holocaust Memorial, and the last tour bus to enter the area before Israeli security cordoned the area for Memorial Day events at nearby Mount Herzl. Due to those same security measures instead of seeing the big monuments on Mt. Herzl, we walked among the graves watching thousands saying Kaddish, or laying flowers on the graves of their lost loved ones. The next day, Independence Day, we spent in the Old city. A poignant moment was while we were just entering the area of the Kotel, the Israeli version of the Blue Angels flew stunts nearby.

At the wall I put a small piece of paper with a prayer and a request. Part of that request was to have my eyes opened to the qualities of really attractive women. As I touched the wall, I closed my eyes. I began to cry. A still small voice recited to me

My dove in concealment of the cliff,
in steep hiding places
Show me your appearance,
Let me hear your Voice
For your voice is sweet
and your appearance beautiful [Song of Songs 2:14]

As I opened my eyes and looked up through my tear drenched eyes, I cried some more. Looking up I saw something I had not before. A white dove had made her home high up in a crack in the wall, the cleft of this rock. What surprised me was she was not the only one. All along the wall there were nests of turtle doves, pigeons and even two ravens. I had never noticed till now. The beginning of the answer to my prayer was there in front of me. As I spent time in the streets of Tel Aviv, Eilat, and Jerusalem I suddenly noticed how beautiful the women were in Israel. Prior to this in Tel Aviv I had noticed how many were thin and shapely, but now I realized what really made them beautiful was a look in their eyes and faces, one I rarely see here in the States.

Back in the States last Shabbat, in another one of those coincidences, we had a pair of Rabbis who run a congregation outside of Jerusalem as the visiting Scholars. There were several questions in our usual Shabbat study period where people often voice their opinions to the question brought out by this weeks reading. One question this rabbi asked went unanswered directly, but I felt like it was answered indirectly. He asked whether Israel spoke a different language than those in the Diaspora. Those who answered his questions about the Sabbatical year showed that most of those who answered thought Israelis were just like Americans living in a land as abundant and secure. Interestingly, many there, some of whom were Israelis, and some who have visited Israel on many occasions remained silent, not correcting many of the false assumptions there.

Indeed this week’s portion is the first to say that those in the land are different than those in it. It is this week’s portion that first threatens, or maybe prophesizes that there will be a Diaspora.

31. And I will lay your cities waste, and bring your sanctuaries to desolation, and I will not smell the savor of your sweet odors. 32. And I will bring the land into desolation; and your enemies who dwell in it shall be astonished at it. 33. And I will scatter you among the nations, and will draw out a sword after you; and your land shall be desolate, and your cities laid waste.[Leviticus 26:31-33]

The text continues with a remembrance of the covenant for those outside of the land:

44. And yet for all that, when they are in the land of their enemies, I will not cast them away, nor will I loathe them, to destroy them utterly, and to break my covenant with them; for I am the Lord their God. 45. But I will for their sakes remember the covenant of their ancestors, whom I brought forth out of the land of Egypt in the sight of the nations, that I might be their God; I am the Lord.[Leviticus 26:44-45]

Since Jeremiah’s time, during the first wave of exiles, there had been not a tale of one set of Jews but two. There has been the Diaspora and the Land. What is true spiritually and socially today has been true for millennia. We have used different names for the two. In the Babylonian Talmud we hear the term “In the west” for Israel and in Israel we hear the term “in Babylon” for the Disapora. Even the greatest of Sages were known to makes this distinction:

When they told R. Johanan that there were old men in Babylon, he showed astonishment and said: Why, it is written: That your days may be multiplied, and the days of your children, upon the land; but not outside the land [of Israel]! [Ber 8a]

While most are not familiar with it, there are not one but two Talmuds, the Balvi and Yerushalmi. The Balvi, or Bablyonian Talmud, is the perspective of the Diaspora, the Yerushalmi, of those in the Land. The outlook of the Diaspora is different than the one in the Israel. It shows on people’s faces, particularly young people. As I was looking more at them, I noticed it most in the multitudes of young attractive women.

Thinking about it this weekend I wondered what makes the language of the Land what I’ll call Lashon haartez different than the language of the Diaspora, Lashon HaGalut. I don’t think it’s just an American thing: Given 60^th Independence Day celebrations, I saw enough Jews from Spain and Latin America to know it’s not just something about America. It’s something else.

A key to that something else was something that did disturb and startle me the first few times I saw it. Young people in their late teens and early twenties were carrying rather large firearms slung around their back or over their shoulder like it was a backpack or purse. These kids in civilian clothes are off-duty IDF soldiers. Israel out of necessity has a compulsory military service for virtually all its citizens, starting at Age 18. While American kids can spend their next few years after High school in college, for most Israelis, before college is military service, or a mixture of college and military service. Part of that service is that your firearm is completely your responsibility. Hence a lot of kids watch their guns with as much care as moms and dads watch their children, taking them everywhere.

Yet in a Chicago California Pizza Kitchen the other day, kids not much older or younger we so different. Watching one rather interesting table it was not guns that every gal had, but iPods, sitting at a table with each other yakking yet each listening to their own music at the same time. While Both Israelis and Americans love their cell phones, watching a cabdriver in Israel carry on four conversations on different phones at the some time was not just amusing but instructive. Watching a group of people at a outdoor coffee kiosk on Ben Gurion Street in Tel Aviv one guy sitting at a table with several of looked liked his friends was on the phone with someone. While not understanding Hebrew, I could tell the guy holding the phone and whoever it was on the other end were all part of that group conversation. This is so different from the cell phone users I see everywhere in the United States. To use your cell phone means no one else in the world matters – an invisible phone booth goes up.

There is one thing about this place called Israel; there is a sense of purpose found in a sense of community. Be it very early education in the communal setting of a Kibbutz, or the compulsory community of military service, Israelis know everyone is part of a bigger purpose. Such things provide a sense of confidence and even optimism even in the worst of conditions. Women with a sense of purpose, showing such self confidence like this become incredibly attractive in a way I find so rarely here in the States, where individualism so isolates us and leaves so often thinking only of ourselves, and intentionally shutting out others. The country that venerates “We the People” more often than not is about “I the person.” It shows on people faces and the invisible walls around them as I walked around downtown Chicago last weekend. To be honest both men and women young and old all too often have this up.

Many people wonder if the fruit in the Garden of Eden was a setup. Given the of this weeks portion, I wonder if the Diaspora was as well. God had to have known we would fail. Why God did create a situation where there was a Diaspora, why were we not commanded all to enter the land at the time of Ezra? Thinking back on my trip and on my return to my regular life, I think the answer is that we need each other. Judaism is never complete unless people are speaking both Lashon Haaretz and Lashon Galut. Both together synthesize into something more. What that more is will takes months for me to understand.

I’m still trying to figure out my trip. Some people had told me ahead of time how I would feel when I got back. Some would simply say “you’re going to enjoy it” others “you might go as a tourist, but come back a pilgrim” Neither were quite my experience. The best advice I was given was not to expect anything because whatever I expected would turn out different than that.

That was my Experience, even when I expected it. What I did come back with was a bit of the eye opening I wanted standing in tears at the Kotel, I know more who the dove in the cleft rock is.

Parshat Kedoshim 5768: The vacation.

This week we continue with a series of various Halacha, including a repeat of the sexual prohibitions from last week, the prohibition of mixing milk and meat, and even the golden rule.

Leviticus 19 starts:

1. And the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, 2. Speak to all the congregation of the people of Israel, and say to them, You shall be holy; for I the Lord your God am holy. 3. You shall revere every man his mother, and his father, and keep my Sabbaths; I am the Lord your God.

In the first year of Shlomo’s Drash I wrote my Kedoshim Drash on this verse. After a disastrous vacation in Colorado, I wondered something: why tie honoring parents and Shabbat together in the verse above?

I’m on vacation again. There are ironies between this vacation and that one. What I did during that vacation six years ago was watch a series of videotapes, which actually led to this vacation. Those tapes formed my background knowledge about where I am right now. The ten tape series was the first distance learning course I took for my degree in Jewish Studies: the religion of Biblical Israel. This trip to Israel is a bit of a graduation celebration, that I finished my degree.

That Colorado vacation was horrible due to all the time I ended up sitting in my time-share. I faced a horrible monster there in my room: the Void. I'd heard about the void. The void is the emptiness inside ourselves, the parts of us that are not fulfilled. It is so horrible to be in the presence of our personal void, we do a lot of a-void-dances. I never understood how much I avoid the Void, until I sat there in that timeshare alone with it. I realized six years ago much of what I do, my intense amount of being busy, of filling my apartment with stuff or trying to fill my stomach with food is exactly that. If I fill space with other things there would be no room for the Void. In Colorado, doing nothing but video tapes in a mostly abandoned skiing town, I was alone with this void, and it was horrible. I felt how much emptiness is in my life, how lonely I am and how little that matters I really have. This continued until Friday night when I lit candles. I decided the candles and the fireplace would be my only light source. As I sang Shalom Aleichem to myself I felt better than I had in a long time. I felt relaxed and calm.

I mention my rather bad vacation with the Mediterranean Sea outside my hotel window for a reason. How is the doing nothing that brought the void to create such a horrible vacation different than the doing nothing of Shabbat? One reason this is late is experiencing my first Shabbat in Israel, this one in and around a Tel Aviv beachside hotel. And in one link between parents and Shabbat, I’m not traveling alone this time, my mom is with me.

In Genesis we are told that God rested on the seventh day of creation. God rested so that we would rest. As we read in the verses from Kedoshim, If God is holy by resting, then we are holy by resting. We spend our lives doing busy work, even if it good intentioned and meant to help others. At some point however, we have to stop, or it affects our health. The results might be might be a heart attack, gastritis or pneumonia. Many take various over the counter or prescription drugs to treat symptoms of a deeper illness: we don’t let our bodies rest. But we can do something beside pharmaceuticals to help ourselves prevent stress-related illnesses from damaging us. That is Shabbat. The best help is simply stopping. Shabbat literally means STOP. Not to stop kills you before your time- a slow but inevitable suicide.

I thought while returning from Colorado what honor can parents be given more than their child actually living and thriving? This is the meaning of fusing the honoring of one parent with Shabbat in the same verse. They were the ones to give us the bodies we have, and to nurture that body until it was able to do things on its own. For us to kill our body is the most ungrateful thing we can do.

How much more so that the Holy One Blessed be He is our parent not only of us but of the world around us. To rest on Shabbat is to honor the parent of all of creation. I spent this Shabbat in the rather secular city of Tel Aviv, walking along the seaside promenade, down Ben Gurion Street and eating at a wonderful beachside restaurant which is so common here. Watching all the people come and go at the beach either sitting in the sun, walking their dogs, conversing with each other in a outdoor café, folk dancing, playing paddle ball, or beach volleyball, flying a Kite or people watching like I was. All of it is good and in its own way resting and witnessing creation.

I realized today, halfway around the world, what I have been missing in my own observance. Its not just prohibitions, as I will see much more clearly next Shabbat in Jerusalem. It’s also witnessing what goes on around you. To not acknowledge such is to not honor the Parent of all. I failed this in Colorado, the void was never there – the void was mere self absorption. Here in arguably the most secular part of my trip to Israel I’ve learned this lesson well.